hello. 

so i have been writing a lot.  and it feels good.  like a weary world-watcher hiding out in a shotgun shack with cans of yams for friends, i’ve been holed up in the rehearsal studio chipping at stone.  i’m guessing most of you wouldn’t equate creative work with athletics, but they’re not that different to me.  they are both skills that can be refined.  some say you either have it or you don’t and when you do “have it” then everything’s cool and you’re lucky.  in my experience, that’s laughable.  you have to go there repeatedly and be willing to self-correct sans self-criticism.  i don’t know if i possess some supernatural gift.  probably not.  i suppose being alive is the gift itself. 

all i know is that writing songs is the most challenging and rewarding activity for me thus far.  it’s never easy.  well actually, it is easy. but it takes awhile and i’ve forgotten about the countless hours i’ve put into the craft.  writing songs is like having a badass classic car that you wake up every morning psyched to drive.  you almost can’t sleep you’re so excited.  and even when you are sleeping, you’re test driving it through border towns.  the only dilemma is that you can’t find the keys.  where the——are the keys…....man?  you’re looking everywhere.  jacket pockets.  drawers.  floors.  retracing footsteps.  calling friends.  looking in the parking lot.  hounding the hamper.  nothing.

and then you go out to the car to make your formal apology for not being able to co-conspire in some sunday morning badass-ness and you pull the door handle to hop in and confess your sins and you see the keys dangling in the ignition.

so you drive.

if you can hang long enough doing what feels the most right to you, you will “have it”.  i don’t even know why i’m talking like this.  i guess it’s probably because i’ve spent the past nine months working on an aspect of my career that has been largely ignored….the business part.  the record-making part.  the bandleader part—all the things that arise because of something that re-attaches my wings.

most of the time, when i feel the words and sounds coming on, i’ll make a run for the door.  hide the keys.  go the computer or take a walk or eat something—anything i can do to not go there.  honestly, i’m scared.  it’s bizarre.  i guess it’s like someone pushing someone away when they get too close even though they might actually want that connection.  if there was another way to write songs, i’d do it.  well no actually, i wouldn’t.  i’ve heard that stuff before…..

so for me, most of my creative hardship comes getting the suit of armour off.  once that happens, i can write pretty incessantly.  and i don’t even care what comes out.  don’t even care don’t even care don’t even care.  it’s like…..the clouds don’t not rain for fear of a couple of awkward raindrops.  they just rain until they drain.  luckily, it seems like human beings don’t drain.  i mean, they die but they don’t drain.  it’s almost like creativity is like eternity punching in to work. 

anyway, not trying to bring the tony robbins, new-age songwriter vibe.  i was just thinking about it because that’s what i’ve been doing most recently.  i’ve been getting emails, texts, voicemals….....“are you okay?” 

of course i’m okay.  i’m in love.  do not disturb.

have a nice week,

jason
2.23.09